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Im gonna be up front with you guys ---

College is not one of my favorite things. If it weren't for this little stipulation in the family's medical insurance, I probably wouldn't be here. The fact of the matter remains that i have no idea what I want from my life much less what i want to do with it. Sitting in expensive classes stresses me out when i don't know if I'm going to use the degree that I'm sitting in the expensive classes for. You know state scholarships only work for four years? BUT those four years don't have to be the four consecutive years you're out of high school. If i had things my way i would have taken a couple years out. I would have taken a bit of time to figure out who i am. Go on a real deal Eat, Pray, Love journey. I would have waited until i knew what i wanted to be before I tried to get a degree. I would have waited until i wanted to be here. I would have waited until i appreciated it. But yeah, that isn't how things work. 

I live in the same house my parents lived in when they were in college. My grandmother kept the house up all these years and she's gifted it to me. I live here with a ghost of a roommate. She's never home and we're on completely opposite sleep schedules. She's eating breakfast before the sun has breached the dewy horizon, and I roll out of bed when the sun is directly over our roof and the temperature in my house shoots up past 80 forcing me to seek the comfort of the air conditioned hallway. The only evidence she lives here is her skim milk that she tucks away in the bottom drawer of the fridge. 

Im a sucker for a terrible YA romance novel. A dystopian fantasy world where the female protagonist is the chosen one and she's trapped in a forbidden love octagon and she a long lost princess and some is a vampire/werwolf/vegan and some one probably DIES and everything is dramatic and theres always that one scene that everyone who has read the book knows about and its been drawn in fan art 1000 different ways and the book covers are doing the most and the way his eyes sparkle when they meet her's is beyond extra. Give. Me. All. The. Trash. You want recommendations? I GOT YOU. 

I have a lot of books that are very important to me for various reasons. Books are friends. But on the topic of adolescent lit. I'm gonna tell you about a series of books that are absolutely mortifying. The series is called the Demonata. In the 6th grade I checked out the first book in the series because the cover was cool. By the tenth page our main character has walked into alternate dimension inhabited by a lord of death, watched his sister split in half and seen both of his parents have their brains bashed in. He narrowly escapes being eaten by a crocodile/scorpion/dog hybrid and incurs the wrath of afore mentioned lord of death because he didn't die. The book was written for middle schoolers. Blood, death, tragedy and apocolypse remain key themes up through all twelve books in the series. Really well written, crazy plot, super complex characters, beautifully crafted magic, and a backstory that spans the entirety of book three. 10/10 would read again. But still, my librarian should have warned me. I had nightmares for weeks. 

My name is Caroline Hayley Brown, but my friends call me Hal. When i was six i told my mother I met a prince in the woods, now that I'm older I still don't know how i got home; I never told mother how lost i had gotten, how deep down that tunnel id gone. Ill never tell mother how his eyes looked like mirrors. 

Comments

  1. StephanieDawkinsAugust 24, 2016 at 6:07 PM

    I love the way that you write. So much vivid details and emotions you've left in such a small passage. I love that you stated that college wasn't what you had in mind but it was something that you knew was expected of you. For many of us that is the case. We understand that college is the next step in life towards success and we don't want to be flipping burgers for the rest of our lives but do we do it reluctantly because of the many voices telling us to and we don't have many other options. Then your last paragraph was phenomenal, I was not expecting for it to end that way.

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  2. Ms LopezAugust 25, 2016 at 8:33 AM

    I like your post! It's interesting!
    I get your feelings about not knowing what you want to do with your life. College is the perfect time to explore yourself. If money is an issue that stresses you out, try to find other scholarships.
    I definitely recommend studying abroad as part of finding yourself. I wish I had done studying abroad myself! Alas, next semester I will be doing student teaching so I may have to save that for another time. But I have traveled out of the country.
    If you really want to figure out more about yourself, there's no better way than spending a semester abroad. Learning a new language, learning about another culture. Just follow your interests! Let them guide you and soon you'll have an idea of what you want out of life.
    I changed my major so many times - yikes! But I finally stayed with English because I love writing. I can see that you have some knack for it. That Demonata series sounds nuts. I'll have to check it out!

    ReplyDelete
  3. UnknownAugust 25, 2016 at 1:53 PM

    Hoppin' on the bandwagon to say that I really enjoyed reading this! I definitely understand what it's like to not know what direction you want to go in. Being the oldest of four and constantly having expectant eyes upon me took its toll, but I finally think I've chosen the right path, and I'm sure you will too!

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  4. AnonymousAugust 25, 2016 at 4:47 PM

    Hey Hal,
    I read the Demonata series when I was in Middle School (And High School again for the second time) as well. I loved the series. Guts and Gore is never enough for me so I suggest reading the Night Angel Trilogy. If you love Darren Shan, You'll love Brent Weeks and his works.
    I'll be straight up with you as well, I didn't want to be here at college either. But I'm glad I'm here now because I've learned so much about the world and myself. I still, truly, don't want a degree. I'd much rather be swept off my feet by prince charming and expected to be a house wife and mother for the rest of my life. But, in this society, it's too financially Risky.

    In the end, just stick through it. It'll be worth it in the end, whatever ends it is that you may meet.

    Sincerely,

    Another Lost Soul
    -Christie

    ReplyDelete
  5. AnonymousAugust 25, 2016 at 4:47 PM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete

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